So I was sitting around the house, bored as shit the other day.........

**Biohazard** · August 31st, 2004, 04:48 PM

and i decided to watch a really, really bad action movie. possibly one of the greatest bad action movies ever made. i mean, damn.

what movie, might you ask?

xXx "starring" Vin Diesel

before you begin with the rotten vegetable hurling, i didn't actually purchase this garbage. it was given to me.

but i digress.

for those of you who managed to avoid this dreck, allow me to explain the basic synopsis.

James Bond wannabes can't seem to crack this Russian terrorist cell that call themselves Anarchy 99. So, Angry NSA Agent #1 (Samuel L) decides to hire himself an action sports star with a thing for leather pants.

i think that sums it up pretty well.

oh, and Rammstein.

but, anywhooooooo, when you actually stop to think about it, there are many reasons why i believe xXx should hold the title of greatest shitty action movie of the century. an attractive female lead that posed nude, evil russians with bad accents, poorly acted celebrity cameos (Tony Hawk and Dave Mirra among them), a snowboard/snowmobile/propane explosion/avalanche chase scene, a main character whose first name starts with the letter X, and a GTO with machine guns.

you can't beat a GTO with machine guns. it has a total lack of beatability. samurai zombie robot chimpanzees with rocket launchers couldn't beat a GTO with machine guns.

well, maybe if they had really good aim... they are chimps, i suppose.

alright, anything but samurai zombie robot chimpanzees can and will be totally dominated by the GTO with the machine guns.